Friday, July 27, 2007

Talking with kids about sex

Now that you've seen my rant to the women of America, let's talk about talking with kids and teens and young adults about sex.

I think that is one of those things where you have many opportunities and teachable moments over years and years to establish and discuss in manageable pieces (rather than one Big Talk)

One opportunity to discuss orgasm comes with discussing childbirth with an older teen....something along the lines of "I think it's pretty great of God to consider that women might have an easier time in childbirth if He put the bulk of the nerves necessary for a woman's pleasure in her clitoris" Of course, I'm pretty frank about sexual things, so that sentence might be easier for me to say than the average mom

I think that it's pretty good to avoid "Your father and I" type statements that yuck out kids, teens and many adults Most people don't want to think about their parents having sex (though some of us think it's GREAT, we're in the minority)

I think that it's important to provide resources for our grown children, including Godparent type people, Titus2 men and women who might not be as intimidating as we the parents are to talk with about these kinds of things.

Optimally, a parent would be able to just talk with their adult child easily, but in many families this is not the case. I think that in this case the godparent may even need to initiate the conversation. Failing all of the above, find yourself a crazy midwife to do the talking and have a 'premarital physical and pep-talk' Included in the conversation needs to be things like.

Keep it light. Sense of humor is KEY, especially in those first short encounters.

Use lubrication! (and why,and start with Astroglide, NOT KY)

Always always always pee afterwards (Honeymoon cystitis is AWFUL)

Don't have oral sex if you have a fever blister (Hello, Herpes Virus)

It is/is not (depending on your beliefs) okay to have sex while menstruating (and why you believe this way, and why others disagree)

All good things come to those who practice often. Contrary to any myth you have ever heard, the first time is NOT the best time, and it will get better as you grow together.

For a woman to orgasm takes some technical know-how. Definitely figure this out ahead of time theoretically (or through self exploration. Again, books are SO helpful here!)

Be not ashamed. Your bodies were made for oneanother's pleasure and gratification.

This is Beautiful and Awesome and Honors God, it's not dirty or disgusting in any way.

I would be sure that there were appropriate books available. That's a nice way to learn the mechanics of everything in a non-threatening way, and there are LOTS of them out there. I think even a present of such books near the wedding date would be appropriate.

My precious grandmother, rest her soul, took me aside before I married and said, essentially, not to expect too much from sex because it's not like on TV. It's something men like and women endure because they love their husbands. I wanted so badly to go buy her a book! The spirit of what she said was important because it was about giving and receiving even when what the other person needs is not something you particularly enjoy. She did mention that she loved the kissing and as they grew old and he could no longer 'perform' she really enjoyed making-out with him, a lot!
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